Hello, Kitty Head.

Sooooo...I've been single for two weeks.

After being in a 5+ year relationship with someone I loved (and still love) tremendously, I am now back in the single world.

I, uh...I mean...so...this has not been easy to cope with. It's a complicated break, not my decision, and I'm trying to be as understanding and okay with it as possible. But it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. Well, except for the one time I thought my mother was going to die. But whereas death is inevitable and it's actually a fact of life I can understand, I didn't think this break-up was inevitable nor do I fully understand it.

There's still a lot of love between us, which is comforting but also not. I know that this isn't actually the end of our relationship but the beginning of a different version of it. It's just that I want the old version back. I thought we'd be together forever. Or at least a while longer.

Everyone tells me that I'm awesome and amazing and will have no trouble finding someone new. But that's little consolation when a) I don't actually believe I'm awesome and amazing and b) I don't actually want someone new.

One of my favorite songs is "Crystal Ball" by the band Keane:

Oh crystal ball, crystal ball save us all
Tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh crystal ball hear my song
I'm fading out
Everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong

PICT0306

I got a promotion.

I'm a little depressed about it.

I don't think this is how it's supposed to work.

So, then, apparently, it seems that if I smoke 8 cigarettes within the span of 4 hours — 5 of them in the last 2 hours — then in the morning my lungs will feel like slabs of iron.

I know, I know...smoking's bad but it's hard not to partake when you're trying to be social and most people you associate with smoke, not to mention the person you live with.

Maybe I should pick up another nasty social habit that doesn't negatively affect my body...like spitting or punching.

What is your favorite way to relieve stress?

When I lived in NYC, I would walk for blocks and blocks, sometimes for an hour. It was very meditative, especially at night.

I don't do it in Denver because a) it's not that interesting of a journey and b) it's less safe (seriously). Besides, I don't get that stressed but when it happens it's usually at work, and I tend to go into the alley to have a smoke.

Also, putting curses on people who make my life stressful helps. I won't go into detail but my last one involved a pepper with a Scoville rating of around 1,000,000 and rubbing eyes.

Day 1 of my mini-break and it's glorious.

Woke up around 8am, when the boy left for work, and I've been doing absolutely nothing productive since. I haven't even eaten but, hey!, it's my day off! And I'm just that lazy. Shower? Eh. Maybe. Or I could just go shopping and run errands with my natural stank and stringy hair and not give a flying fuck because, HEY, BITCHES, it's my day off! 

And after yesterday's 12 hours of non-stop, teeth-grinding, workplace-induced thoughts of homocide, I think I'm entitled to an entire day of sloth, sprinkled with a little bit of greed and a lot of gluttony.

I've always told people that I never let work get to me, that it's only "a job."

Well, today was one of those days when I was ready to quit. I could tell because I kept saying two phrases over and over again: "I'm going to scream" and "I feel like shooting someone." That's not really a good sign, is it?

What movie would you really recommend renting or seeing this weekend?

I re-watched A State of Mind a few days ago.

My father's family fled to the South during the Korean War when he was a little boy. Had they not, I could have become one of the girls in the documentary. imdb.com provides a synopsis of the film, so I won't re-cap here, but all you need to know is that the people who participate in the Mass Games could do their routines perfectly in their sleep. If they participated in the Olympics, they'd win bronze, silver and gold in every gymnastic event. Cheerleading competitions? There wouldn't be a single blonde head left standing.

The film provides an unprecented look into the North Korean way of life, so that's enough reason to rent it. And once you see clips of the Mass Games, you'll realize just how crazy those people really are.

Long story short: I was in a car accident last Monday. 

On a positive note, no one was hurt, which is the most important thing, and my car runs just as mediocre-ly as it used to. The other driver (who was at fault, as I was in his blind spot and he didn't look before me crashed into me), was also an Allstate customer, so the claim was handled within "the system". Quickly!

By Thursday, I had a check for $900 in my hand for damages. My 10 year old car has been battered and bruised by shitty Denver drivers since 2003, so there was no point in repairing any exterior damage.

Richer by: $900

Yesterday, I got offered another $100 for injuries. As all I had was muscle pain that's mostly gone away now, that was all I needed to cover my co-pay and doctor-recommended massage.

Richer by: $1,000

Was the accident a blessing in disguise? Yes! But wait. There's more.

We did laundry this past weekend and discovered $15 in the dryer. In dollar bills, that is. We didn't break into the dryer and steal quarters.

Richer by: $1,015

Yesterday, I received some mail from another doctor and inside was a check for $15, since I had apparently been generous one visit and overpaid them.

Richer by: $1,030

So, in 10 days I made $1,030, not counting my paycheck. Including my paycheck, I've made $1,035. This means I'm probably going to get sued for $20,000 next week. The world isn't going to just throw money at me forever, is it? I wish it would, though. That would be really awesome.